Refuah Update From Dr. Dolphin MD - Purim 5772

(Note: the following is parody of my blog.  No person or idea is being mocked.)

Dr. Dolphin is a highly-regarded practitioner (in certain circles) at the Hold-The-Mayo Clinic and offers free medical advice to our readers.  Please note, only 2 people out of the hundreds of patients given this advice came away with stomach ailments.  (The rest had a severe rash, but who's counting?)

• Who said there is no cure for the common cold?  Dr. Dolphin knows exactly what to do!  He recommends buying your own vineyard and drinking its wine.  As we know, the word for a cold is הצטננות, whose gematria is 610, which equals the gematria for כרמי שלי (from Shir Hashirim 1:6 and 8:12).
• Do you suffer from constant headaches?  No need to suffer any longer as Dr. Dolphin has your cure.  He suggests that you stand up often throughout the day and do your laundry, and you'll feel better by the evening.  Headaches are כאב ראש, with a gematria of 524.  This equals ויתיצבו (Shemot 19:17) and עמדתי (Iyov 30:20) and also יכבס בגדיו וטמא עד הערב (Vayikra 11:40).
• Ingrown toenails can be painful.  Dr. Dolphin is an expert podiatrist too!  His advice is to hang like a monkey from a tree, put some ashes on your toe, and throw the rest of the ashes to the river.  An ingrown toenail is a ציפורן חודרנית, which equals 1114.  This is the gematria of ותלו אתו על העץ (Esther 8:7) and והתפלשי באפר (Yirmiya 6:26) and ואשלך את עפרו (Devarim 9:21).

Well, that's all the advice Dr. Dolphin is ready to share with us today. You can get an appointment with Dr. Dolphin for the very nominal fee of $399.99 by calling 1-800-DOL-PHIN or by visiting his website at http://www.ifitquackslikeadolphin.com/. Visa and Mastercard accepted. Sorry, no insurance will take us. is accepted. Special discounts for Yeranen Yaakov readers!

Happy Purim!